nicki nutterzz..

2007-12-10T11:38:00.000+08:00

i'm bored. as always, at work. and on top of that, i'm pissed off. i just want to go home and sleep. but i can't so i shall blog about my weekend.
the whole lot came to my place on Saturday. we exchanged our Secret Santa presents after dinner. yay! thanks,whoever you are, who gave me that White Musk set. we set off to clarke quay after that. very the damn damn crowded over there. we went in to crazy elephant for drinks. nice band, nice jokes but too many SPGs and their ang mohs. pretty damn irritating how some of the men there will stand around, look at the girls and wait for someone to approach them or give eye contact so they can make their move. there was this particular group who was doing that to us-even though we already came in with our group, with guys. disgusting. don't expect all of us asian girls to entertain you just coz u're ang moh and you have a fat wallet. we dont give a fuck. we came to have a good time with friends-not you! no offence to ang mohs la-alotta of y'all are great people. its just those kinda men who make y'all look bad.

anyways, we got into MOS at abt 11pm. the place was JAM PACKED! i think it was over capacitated. pple could barely move in there! didn't seem to make a difference even if Zouk Out was on..the place was still happening. lucky for us, we had ourselves a 'reserved' table coz John wanted one, to celebrate his birthday. quite a big group of us so it was great that we had our own area. the whole package came with a champagne bottle, 2 bottles of other stuff and some shots. pretty great time over there-well, except for the idiots trying to grind on us. felt like yelling, "OI! dumbfuck! can't you see we're tryna dance here?!" its just rude and annoying. go fuck the wall or something.

met up with the rest again, yesterday to do abit of shopping and eating in town. ended up at clarke quay again-this time,at Clinic. hahaa! we all looked like fools, sitting in wheelchairs and sipping on beers and martinis..i had a chocolate martini. little too strong though. would have liked to taste more chocolate in there :)

i came home at 11pm to a big headache-the house was flooded. like i mean it-flooded. i duno what the hell happened. apparently something overflowed somewhere, in the service balcony. my poor dog's feets were covered in water..pretty high level. im guessing a quarter of the length of his legs. if it was Ti in there, she would look like a hippo swimming in the water. our friend didnt know what to do, he just stood there. his pillows were all soaked. hais. i was damn tired la, and din know what to do. removed all the wrapping on the xmas presents-yes.they were all wet. and we rolled up the carpet and started mopping up the floor. i went to bed at midnite-parents were still cleaning up though. funny thing is that both my room and bro's was not wet-AT ALL. the water flowed into mum's room instead. none of it went to ours along the way. heh.-maybe our building is 'senget' .

2007-11-06T09:17:00.000+08:00

christmas is coming again.i can't believe it! right now i just feel like i've gone without christmas for 2 years. last year's so-called christmas was a total disaster.i didn't have a merry white christmas despite all the "merry christmas" greetings. gees!
sometimes i wonder why we use such greetings. if it aint gonna be merry, it just ain't.the greetings not gonna make it better or give u luck anyway. i must sound like the Grinch now. heeheeee..
actually i like christmas lah. just that last year's was fricking nonsense. i feel like i had a whole cloud of suayness around me. and it carried on to new year's day. i can't believe that so many bad things happened to me in just one bloody week. what a blue blue christmas that was..
maybe this year will be better than the last. free of stress, free of heartbreak, just good food, good company and more.

2007-11-05T17:10:00.000+08:00

i was so pissed off, this morning. we had the QS2007 awards show and i was supposed to be there at 830. but the stupid bus was soo late and sooo crowded, i had to take a cab. i don't even have the extra cash to take it la. worse still, there was that stupid traffic jam along the way. was cursing n swearing in my head..singaporeans too rich oredi!so many bleddy cars! ended up paying $9.00 for that stupid short trip. that's it! i'm having peanut butter sandwiches for the next 2 days! i'm oredi short of cash now..
give up my rose gold kit?? noooo...neverr...that one is still a must :D
already spent quite abit yesterday. was out the entire day. brought doggie to the dog show and all. i think he was abit panicky and abit excited with so many dogs around. all smelling him and all.then there were people touching him and taking pictures. haha.
oh ya! then i went to the little india bazaar with ma in the evening..i can't believe i was there on a bloody sunday! the crowd! suffocating! while weaving through the crowd, with so many men everywhere, i was thinking, "touch me and you're dead,bitches!"..ok,he-bitches.
so frustrating laa..they were everywhere, all those foreign workers. even the locals avoid that place. didn't see that many locals, even at the bazaar. pple generally try to avoid that place on sundays i guess. can get very fed up with the crowd..we can't even shop in peace!

2007-10-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

went to the little india bazaar with ma last evening. i only intended to buy like one top or something. and we ended up with not 1, not 2, but 3! punjabi suits, 2 tops, 2 sets of bangles and a pair of earrings. nyaahaha! i don't even know why we need so many suits for, since we're only going out one day for Deepavali. i love the pink and turquoise one. its so...candy coloured. and turquoise IS my favourite colour.i think i'm going to wear that first. btw, the colours of my suit are just like the colours im using for this blog post :D
haa...tomorrow's payday. i need to buy accessories to match that set. coz the set that i bought was actually for the orange and blue suit. i shall drop by the place again tmr to get the stuff and get tha hell outta there before i end up buying MoRe things!

2007-10-29T09:11:00.000+08:00

the weekend just came and went. gone too bloody soon and it's another week at work again. saturday was fine. managed to visit 4 houses, before i went home to get ready n go out again. we all went to chillies first-cool deco, i must say. especially the pontianak thing on the balcony. nyahaha! weren't too many pple there coz it was kinda early. we went to Obar after we cut the birthday cake for Nette.

Obar..pretty damn happening-if only there weren't so many buayas.they'll try to grind you, push themselves against you, anything just to touch you la, basically. fucken irritating. like get tha fuck outta my way mann! i'm tryna dance here! and i don't wana dance with u. that should be pretty obvious since im totally ignoring you.

imagine, u're happily dancing to ur favourite song, n some specky dude starts trying to dance with you without even asking. or some dude comes outta nowhere and starts talking some rubbish to you. one dude just did that to me. i totally ignored him and continued dancing. he talked to me again n i looked at him. he was like 'hey i'm not tryna cause any trouble or anything k?'..ya.k.now move it!

we went back to chillies at about 3am.just nice. packed! spend the rest of the night there, dancing abit,..feet were aching like mad i tell you!then went for breakfast at shah alam. and that was saturday-and abit of my sunday.

2007-10-25T17:08:00.000+08:00

bout' 50 minutes till im outta here. im so bored and tired.i just want the weekend to come by sooner. it's gonna be a busy saturday for me. time to catch up with old friends, celebrate a birthday, party like mad..never been happier to say that i'll be busy on the weekend. coz i'll be busy doing all the fun stuff. oohh..i wish the weekend would fly to me-NoW! and i wish noone would spoil it.

im not so happy about 2mr though.even tho its bloody friday. i'll be busy doing work stuff. dammit. one more damn day.and i have to wear formal clothes. that sucks. fridays are supposed to be dress-down days but i have to be dressed-up for the seminar tmr.
oh ya!speaking of seminar. i went for the ECR conference at Swissotel. oh my lordy!i can't say i enjoyed sitting at the sales booth, doing nothing. the thing is that i got the lovely buffet lunch and teatime on both days. and oh, the goodies! all im gonna say is that i could barely carry the bag home. and i still have the free laptop bag sitting here, in my cubicle. heheh! i especially love the hair and body products that i got. the shampoo and hair mask and the shower gels too.

i've been collecting alotta lotions and shower gels n things,lately. it started from that Body Shop warehouse sale that i went to the other day. ridiculous, the amt of little bottles i have in my bathroom now.foot cream la, shampoo la, lotions, body butter, body scrubs etc..ish!

2007-10-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

life is so shitty huh? im incredibly bored,frustrated,jaded,confused,in love,in hate..its one big mess of emotions. i'm damn cranky right now so if u irritate me, i will bite you!
i have alot to say. alot of things which i cannot say. i've learnt one big lesson that some things really are,better left unsaid. but i've been keeping so much of my feelings inside. i think i might explode any moment. even going to work is not helping coz i still end up thinking of all these things. did some computer work,briefings,..and somehow my mood always went back to wad it was before.
sometimes i wonder if this is all there is to my life..and if those short little moments of exhilaration (which don't happen very often) are the closest i will ever get to feeling complete happiness.

the "dusty" photos of Daughtry's performance =)

2007-09-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

holy crap! i can't believe i actually got the chance to see Daughtry at St.James, yesterday. woooot! all thanks to huda, of course. XD
managed to get some pics-alotta dodgy ones but wad da heck? my fone cam was the only thing i had, to take pictures with..

the view of the crowd in front of us..

..and the view of the line BEHind us!..snaking round the building..

the frontman..daughtry himself! wooottt!!

his voice is just as amazing as i thought it would be-if not MORE amazing!

Josh-JP(bass) & Brian(guitar)..
i know..the fotos are very dodgy..hahaha!

Joey(drums)

Josh Steely(guitar)

ta daaa!! i tried to take a video but it sucked. too blur..but i enjoyed myself. yeapyeap! and i managed to get Josh's guitar pick! hahaaaa! the thing just flew at me from somewhere..fell on the floor, and there was a mad rush for it. but i got it, bitches! it was awesome..

then i went for the autograph session today..my original plan was to just go there for a look-see. but turns out, you don't even need a coupon to get their autograph. just buy an album from hmv and show the people the receipt and ta daa! stupid girl told me i wouldn't be able to get the autographs coz there were 'No More Coupons'..basket! luckily i found out while i was halfway through the queue..had just enough time to rush in and grab one album for them to sign..yes $19.95 for the band's signatures. but im not complaining..thats my favourite idol contestant of all time!
the crowd today was insane compared to that at the showcase yesterday. the showcase crowd had more matured people, more relaxed, less high-pitched screaming-heard alot of those today though. duno y, they just can't contain themselves. haha! people were rushing for their van and chasing it after the signing. just screaming n yelling after it, not even taking pictures or wadever. i wanted to get a picture but i would rather not get too close otherwise i would be deaf by now.

SprinG CleaNinG!

2007-09-05T17:58:00.000+08:00

finally cleaned out my room today..phew! all that dust!

switching places..stuff was everywhere! not surprised if some strange reptiles n 8 legged freaks decided to make an awesome hideout out of my room.

nope..no reptiles..just the 8 legged freaks and some silverfish.u noe, those little grey coloured things?..they move very fast & they love books.hahaha!gross, i noe.

ah! here we are,finally. all clean and creature-free. i'm damn tired. going to take a shower and get some snacks.

2007-08-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

yes, i've changed my blogskin after....one year? i haven't actually got much to blog about. coz nothing really happens in my life anyway. i have my life back, after quitting that ol job of mine but it's not easy looking for a new job.
lord noes how long i'll have to wait now. i can't even talk well with the braces. its alot better than the first few days, of course. but its still kinda there. the pple keep telling me i'm young u noe? myb coz of the damn braces. like some kid like that. wad to do? we didn't have the money to do it then. not like we have alot now, but myb more than last time la.
i'm seeing a wee, wee bit of progress, now that i've had the braces on, for almost a month. i still can't quite believe the fact that i finally have the chance to get it done. lol. how many times have i actually said that??

anyway,i just went to watch evan almighty just now. i thought it was really funny. silly.but funny. laughed alot,..then came home to my misery once again. but u noe, that movie does have a point..if u ask God for sth like patience or courage.he doesn't actually give those things to u. wad he does is to give you that opportunity to be patient..or courageous, or wadever u prayed for.
so i'm thinking..i've prayed for strength n courage n patience to get thru it all for the past few years.i think i've had alot of opportunities to be strong, have courage and be patient. my gawd, was it difficult! i still have a hard time learning to be patient. there's just one thing i prayed for that i still haven't got..i must have prayed for love at least 100 times in the past 5 yrs. haha! but i guess he didn't answer me because i didn't love MySeLf enough. i think i get it and i'm coming to terms with it..still trying to erase my past and start fresh. its hard, with all the negative ideas and negative people ard. but its true u noe,..u can't love someone if you don't love yourself.

2007-08-02T19:21:00.000+08:00

finally have my braces on..not a real scary procedure as i thought it was gonna be.-terribly uncomfortable now though. and i can't talk..haiyah. imagine,.my work involves speaking to hundreds of passengers everyday. terrible. felt like taking an mc today. i made it through anyway but i think im abt to have ulcers. ugh! some pple just looked at me all funny when i talked to them. heh! im no stranger to pple looking at me all funny but this is beyond! hais..i just wanted to go home. oh well, this is what i wanted and i have to keep reminding myself that it's all gonna be worth it in the end.

part of me really wants to leave this job-now! but the other part of me thinks that it's ok, and i can survive for at least the remaining 1 & a 1/2 months of the contract. i think i might miss my job if i leave now. i'll miss all the friends i've gathered since i started here. of course i wont miss the arseholes ive met there!-they're the reason tt i feel like quitting in the 1st place. gross! oh ya! n i won't miss waking up at 4am or worse still-230am! my gawwdd, now i really want to leave!-coz i have to do that later!-wake up at 230am when some pple are just going to bed. yeargh!

2007-07-22T20:26:00.000+08:00

2mr's my birthday. so the hell what! i still have to do that shit job of mine, run ard like a bloody fool, get scolded for nth.-sum pple there are seriously mental. sometimes they look at u like u're blur and stupid; like u're supposed to know the stuff since the day you were born. honestly, one woman was like lecturing us the other day and i just had a very irresistable urge to poke her eyes out with nearest, most convenient piece of stationery i could find-or better still, throw her off an aerobridge. it's strange, what anger does to pple.
my bestest friends in the batch have either left or is going to leave already. so far 7 or 8 are already gone from the batch. i dont blame them..we go through shit day in and day out. i would gladly pay the $250 just to be free too.-except that i need the cash for my braces. they'll be on in 2 weeks time.
i just extracted 2 of my teeth on wednesday.quite scary coz my whole mouth was numb. it looked like i had a stroke on one side. heh! was sitting on the chair, waiting for the injection to take effect and i was thinking to myself.-what the hell am i getting myself into??..and why the hell am i doing this? i mean its 2 or more yrs of metal in my mouth- $4K worth of metal and discomfort! but i guess it'll be terrific once i see the results. its for a lifetime of a beautiful smile! i think it's worth it. you'd know how it feels if you were like me.
gees. just can't seem to get out of this funk. hopefully i'll have sth to put me in a good mood tmr. i can't be depressed on my birthday?! there was one year that i spent the birthday in tears. i don't intend to repeat that, ever. it's just wrong! pple are supposed to be happy on their birthdays but i just can't seem to smile about anything. can't seem to get rid of the hurt, loneliness and emptiness..

2007-07-16T11:29:00.000+08:00

finally!! its my frikkin off day!~the days have been like hell..running up n down t2,feet aching like mad,struggling to control my departure lane,tahan-ing when pple scold me..ish! i got so fed up, i even scolded my bloody transport driver. i decided that im not going to be so nice anymore. normally i dont like to scold pple but that idiot took me round and round like a singapore tour! like fucking 1 1/2 hours la! if can take train i will reach home faster!! basketball...sheesh! tmr morning's transport, i dono how..if the bus doesn't turn up then just too bad la. dont expect me to spend $25 on cab fare and come to work. forget it-im not coming.
actually i kinda miss being at home or just hanging out with my peoples..i miss my peoples. i feel like i have no life besides work right now. and seeing the work that i have to do everyday, i think im terribly underpaid to go through that shit.

oh btw, i went to see the cat show yesterday morning..oooohh! so kuute all the kitties there! i want laaa! i miss kitties! there was this adorable american shorthair there. it was so big! it looked like a soft toy or sth.so soft, with such nice patterns on the fur. haaa..i really don't know which breed to get now. maine coons are also nice but i heard tt they're really expensive. there are so many pretty kitty breeds out there. im spoilt for choice..

2007-07-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

daym..been so blardy busy. and so blardy sick and tired!-i mean it literally. i have this insane fever thing going on and off. but well,training's over..today was the last day. i dont think im going to do well for my departure test at all. i had a high fever while doing the paper just now. was shivering and all. and i had to take that 2 hour long journey home after that somemore!
i feel better now though. i guess the fever came up coz i didnt take that yellow tablet this morning. big mistake. oh well,..luckily im off tomorrow. i can rest..but i want to go watch transformers.i will drag myself there if i have to. im glad im not starting tomorrow. this whole mentorship thing is really scary. i dont know if my mentor is going to be nice at all..or if she's going to be a bloody bitch! so nervous..tmr got abit of freedom la. so i dont wanna think about it.

btw, bro n i been thinking about names for a new cat. i think i like the name 'leo'..what do u think? we want a male kitty. and it might b a maine coon or sth. the largest breed of all cats! i love big cats! just one thing, im worried that it might not be well suited to being indoors all the time. hais.. i actually wanted a ragdoll kitty la. they're so pretty..and gentle too. hmm..duno la! when the time comes to get the kitty, then can think of the name. for now, we're still tryna get the dog settled in. my furry friend..as insane as ever. myb we can get the kitty by christmas then. he'll be past a year old by then so he might be a lil less mad. heheh!

2007-06-24T18:25:00.000+08:00

was just reading some old blog posts. gee. i always have the same feeling that whatever i wrote last time sounds so childish now. but the fact is that i really felt that way at that point in time. my dec/jan posts were prolly the most drama posts evarr..but it really was a drama point in my year. i think the cloud still hangs over me in some ways..still in somewhat of a crisis mode. there's always something new popping up and everything is just so unpredictable.
the change is painfully slow but maybe it will get better in time to come. they say time heals everything but i feel like i've been waiting forever. these days i just want to put my mind to something else, like work..i'm quite happy to go for training everyday even though its all the way at changi cargo complex and im staying at jurong. there are people there to talk nonsense to and make me laugh. think i'll enjoy my training more than the actual work though. the people at the office looked so bloody hostile but nvm. like my trainer says, 'don't give up. if u all can make it in this job, u can make it anywhere.' yea.i hope so. anyways,i better go n study now.

2007-06-21T19:19:00.000+08:00

i wore my new uniform for the 1st time today! and went into the transit area at the airport too! haha! never been in there before.-coz ive never even been on a plane! quite kool. got movie theatre, spa, luxurious lounges, lotsa shops too. can't wait to get my 20% discounts with my airport pass. woohoo! wanna buy perfume..-and doh! makeup supplies.
i still dont know exactly where i'll be posted to , just that its somewhere in terminal 2. for now i'll just be training at the cargo centre. its damn blardy far from home. but i think i can tahan for at least these 3 months of my contract. i hope i'll finally have a job tt i like. my classmates are nice and so is my trainer. i just hope i'll get posted someplace with colleagues who are just as nice.
im damn tired now n i havent really had the chance to laze ard the house n watch tv. so im gonna do that now.

2007-06-02T13:52:00.001+08:00

This is Ceaser!the furry loon..

2007-05-23T16:44:00.000+08:00

this blog is dead. its just the way im feeling. i duno but lately ive just been like a walking zombie. everything's just gone wrong. ive been hearing things tt i wish i never heard, pple are going crazy again. i can't believe i spent last sunday all alone?? i hate sundays like tt. everyones just doing their own thing. shiat! guess i really can't rely on anybody but myself. and i mean ANYBODY.
like why do pple have to start showin their funny colors all of a sudden? and u wouldnt even know it if u did sth wrong to the person. this is soo fucked up. forget it. im gonna go play with my dog. seems he's the only one who actually loves to see me. whether or not im nice to him. whether or not im looking my best. whether or not im feeling my best..oh right. i have a dog now. i didnt mention that here did i? my kudut but adorable italian greyhound. i love him..

2007-05-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

stewpid blogger..the page is all wrong!!
k,anyway,im damn excited coz my last day at work is on saturday. yeaaaahh!!! whoop whoop! seriously, making hundreds of phone calls a week is excruciating..its boring, its dull. most people dont stay for very long.
anyways, noe wad? sth weird happened yesterday. myb i was dreaming or wad, i dont know. but i was like sleeping in my bed and i actually felt my Misty walking around on the bed. then she lay down at my foot.-which is what she used to do when she was alive. weird. but kinda nice. she still sayang me. *sigh*...right now im just looking at all the poor little animals who need homes. i want oneee!!
gee. i seriously need to smell some fur and hug sth nice,warm n fuzzy. my life is so dull without my animal.
hais..im just looking foward to tmr's kumar show. whee!! and saturday's nite out..and my payday! haha! gotta occupy myself...

2007-05-02T20:34:00.000+08:00

Oh.My.God. i can't wait to quit my bloody job. it's depressing..and getting increasingly boring as the days go by. think i'll quit next week then. i already promised to do sth this week. so i'll be out next week then. goin back to bein a frikkin "VIP".. just for a while lah. even that gets boring sometimes.
besides, gotta alotta things i need to get. braces, new kitty etc. i'm dying of loneliness without a cuddly kitty at home. its not so painful anymore but i need sth huggable in my life..sth cute to look at. i miss my kitty, with that fur and those short stumpy legs, the round tummy. ish!
i have more things to be sad about. but i find myself wanting to dance more, laugh more and just lepak with all my favourite people..instead of just drowning in self pity like i used to. sure my life is overprotected, boring and depressing. but i just live for the people who care and make me feel good. i'm tired of caring about what others think of me, tired of letting people intimidate me or make me feel inadequate. fact is, they're no better i am. like whatever mann..
yea, life sucks right now coz i always have sth to be angry or sad about.i wonder if life is supposed to be like this..maybe it isn't supposed to be happy??

2007-04-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

today would have been her sweet 16th birthday. i still can't believe that she's not here anymore. we still put a bowl of water n biscuits for her. and we leave her room light on too. for the soul..yeah.
can't wait to have a new pet. something else to give my attention too. the house just feels empty. its like i dont have anything to go to when im stressed out. and i AM stressed out. i hate my job. my colleagues are fine. the job is not. i drag myself to work every damn day. life is just 'fucking awesome' right now. could it be any more wonderful than it is right now?
i don't really have anything to look forward to besides my saturday evenings and my sundays. can't wait to meet my cousins, share jokes and laugh like loons. just to escape the chaos for a little while. and then monday comes and my life goes back to being the same ol' meaningless shit that it always was. not a day has gone by without tears in my eyes.

~i'll leave a light on for you..happy birthday~

2007-04-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

i miss my little baby sooo much. i can't believe that she won't be around anymore. i keep turning my head whenever i go into the kitchen, just expecting her to be sitting there. and i still look down at the floor as if i have to watch out in case she's lying there.. i wake up, expecting to see her sitting there, grooming herself or watching me with those huge eyes and waiting for me to pick her up..i came in the door today and for the first time, i actually WANTEd to get the smell of cat shit wafting around the house. coz it would only mean that she was around.
every little thing reminds me of her. i miss the mornings when she would greet me with a little meow, or wake me up with a series of noisy 'meows' and start scratching the cupboard to get my attention. i miss the afternoons when i could see her basking in the sunlight or sitting next to me while i was on the PC..i miss the evenings when i would come home and she would come into my room once i switched on the lights..i miss the nights, just having her by my side. i miss squishing her coz she was so soft and cuddly..
lord help me already. i need a replacement. i need to hug something.

~* In Loving Memory*~

Misty

22nd April 1991 - 18th April 2007
R.I.P

2007-04-10T10:58:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think that my parents have nothing else better to do but to pick a fight with me. they expect me to be everything that i fucking know that i am not.
freaks. wish i had my own damn house. i wont have to answer to anybody. no one would have to care about what i do with my damn life.

2007-03-29T12:39:00.000+08:00

my blog is collecting dust again. oh dear..nothing much to talk about except the weekend stuff..-and yesterday's news :)) har dee har har! weekend was great. yepyep. was at 'chillies' lah. had to let off some steam so we danced the night away. it was my 1st time going there and it was kinda 'dead' until about 3am? that's when the people started coming in. quite happening. to top it all off, my mother didn't call me at all! really, i thought it was gonna rain toads after that.
anyways, we clubbed until 6, then we went to Mcdonald's for breakfast. the muffins tasted like dry skin or sth. grossness. or maybe i was just too excited to eat. alot of stories la. kakaka! nono, i didn't dance with any guy. i don't like guys merging in like nobody's business. like please ask for heaven's sakes! we were excited for different reasons. ok, partly very pissed of at something else also but forget abt that lil shit. i got some err..'news' yesterday. oh goody!but i can't say what.
wheee! can't wait to go back again. kekekekeke.

2007-03-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

my goodness. has it been a month already, since i last blogged here?? seriously i dont know wad the hell i've been doing. i've just stopped blogging since school ended. my results are out already actually. they came with flying colours-NOT. my dad had a look at them this morning. he said, 'all the D's and the C's'..'y leh dat?'..didn't scold me though. just seemed relieved that i didn't have to repeat anything. hahaaaa!! wonderful. for now, i just need to get a bloody job. been looking through the papers lately.nth too appealing as yet. not nice to be UNEMPLOYED though. must get one quick.
anyways,i went clubbing twice last week. hehehe. just needed to let loose. too much frustration in there. had loads of fun at MOS..getting high and dancing the whole way. shiok stuff. although i wish Mr.Octopus hadn't come anywhere near me. that was probably one of the most uncomfortable moments i have had to face in a while. i dont fancy blondies and there was no excuse for his octopus behaviour. ugh! pls, i need to know a guy for a lot longer than that for him to even lay a finger on me. i'd only been dancing for a couple of seconds before this guy dropped down from the sky or someplace. like wtf?? glad i got outta there and went to 54. retro stuff but somehow i just felt happy. myb i was high. lol. but it's not unusual to find me dancing to older songs. i like oldie hits.
God myb i really am getting old. watever happened to my childhood and my teenybopper days? i don't even need to go to school anymore. finito! i am a grown woman now. but i still feel kiddy sometimes. it's all just happening too fast. hais. a part of me is not happy with this and the other part thinks i should be happy coz i can finally earn my own money to do the things i've always wanted to do and be the things i've always wanted to be.

2007-02-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

ya, i noe..many days since i last updated. not say i've been very busy studying or what lah. i've been sick as well. and i still am..my voice sounds weird and i was coughing my way through that last paper..had my strepsils in hand in "case-of-need"(haha! stupid ITFD thing) but i almost puked coz the mint suddenly got really overpowering. i felt like i was eating menthol for a moment; i dono wth happened there. my eyes were watering n i needed to cough badly but i couldnt. coz then everyone would be staring at me. omg. nightmare. i thought i was gonna puke all over my paper. . hais..ITFD. i think it was the best paper out of this lousy three. at least i could write pretty confident answers in there. they might turn out to be crap but wth. it's over. i need rest now.
i just got back from holland v. haaa..i love that factory outlet store..i bought 2 tops from there. :) i just felt like buying more clothes coz all this while i've been spending bombs on makeup. yes. i have like 300 points in my bobbi membership- and i only just signed up on christmas!! wtf!? did i really do that much damage in these 2 months?? i threw out all the stuff i didnt need anymore and got new stuff. i dont really feel guilty. coz i love the stuff and it was paid for with my own bloody savings. hehe. i hope to get a MAC bronzer one day..yah. one day. must finish my current products first.
so anyway, back to my shopping trip..i only bought those tops and a cough mixture. hah! besides that i just kept pointing out everything to my mum and saying, "nice!"..everything also nice. i've just been so bored n cooped up at home. every bloody thing looks nice. hope to go out n paint the town red soon. kekeke.supposed to go clubbing la. i must! especially so, coz i wanna beat the v-day blues. booo!!! shoot valentine! okok. dont shoot him. at least have some mercy on me, people. don't look at me like im sum space creature when i tell u that i've been single all my bloody life. my "dear people", that does nothing to ease my awkwardness. just makes it worse. isit so strange meH?!! y?! kenot arr?!

Singapura Boleh!

2007-01-27T23:01:00.000+08:00

wooottt! Singapura Boleh! haha! my mum said, "come on man Lionel! show us the serani punya power man! 'Keropok' the feller!" LOL!!
phew! after all that extra time. so stressful..
besides that, nth too happening today. after Novena mass, i went to one of the Bedok goldsmiths to get my chain fixed-but got a new one instead. and mum traded in her old bangle as well. hah! that pretty much summarises the day. today actually was abit of a blur..a sharp contrast of the very good and the very bad but i shan't go into that.

2007-01-26T13:59:00.000+08:00

yearrghh!! no space for my looott! this is the stuff that i was talkin about that day. the liz claiborne stuff. alotta nice neutral colours in there. bronze lipglosses and even more brown eyeshadows! can't beat my MAC/bobbi shadows, but the quality is still pretty good..
hehe! this stuff will never finish. it's 5 palettes! got some pretty good brushes along with it also. so that leaves only 3 brushes for me to get. *grins*

confessions of a broken heart

2007-01-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

huda says 'plaster and GLUE what Master Khor said to me'. hahahahaa! errr..i don't think i can.i'll still be the dumb ol' fool that i am. even if it's really BEYonD coincidental that two fortune tellers can tell me the exact same thing. haiyah. wtf lah. myb they are both wrong. cheh! so early. i don't see no prince on the horizon anyway. more like the lord of the horseflies..far from prince. yes, i must admit that it would be very hard for someone to be able to turn me into some blabbering ol fool. but it has happened. heh. still does, sadly.
i still find this fortune thing very amusing though. i'm curious to find out who they might have been talkin about. would be cool if part of it was true. let's not even go into the other part of the prediction. this is crazy but i'd actually like that 1st part to come true. if someone i love decides to propose to me one day, of course i will say YES lah!! after all that shit thrown at me, it would be great to finally have someone who will love me as much as i love him, or even more.
things weren't easy. with pple looking down on me, making fun of me-either to my face or behind my back. and they think i don't know it. it broke my spirit, all the confidence that i ever had in myself. the wounds left have never quite healed. i only ended up hating myself for everything that i was. sometimes i ask myself why i couldn't have been just normal. normal everything.not just have sth really ugly to make me average. it's frustrating that i can't make peace with myself. i can't bear to face some pple coz i wonder what they'll think of me. it's ironic coz the resulting behaviour only makes things worse. it gets pretty awful coz somedays i cant even live with all the shame and embarrassment, looking at myself in disgust. i start to regret all the things that i did, wishing that i could turn back time. well, i certainly can't turn back time so all i can do is be a better person and make it right. actually someday i wish to be better than any of all those effing people. i get so mad when i think about it. i didn't deserve any of that shit.
i wish someone would think i was special and treat me like i was special. for once..

2007-01-24T12:05:00.000+08:00

bored, Bored,BORED!! i haven't got anything to do today-well, nothing that i would LIKE to do, at least. everyone's like studying or working or no money. same here la, no money. how boring.
only one nice thing-my dad bought me this liz claiborne makeup set thing coz some pple were going around selling stuff. i was wondering since when they actually had a makeup line. hmm..i looked online and found some of it on Ebay. limited range only. i hope it's good though. i can't be sure coz i haven't read any reviews on it.
anyway, im going to continue living miserably. going to bathe the kitty now -who isn't doing too good. she needs to see a vet soon.

2007-01-23T16:53:00.000+08:00

i haven't been updating this blog coz i'm so damn lazy. the wedding was good, ya..touching ceremony. the bride was in tears halfway through the vows. and then i started hearing 'snot' sounds and whispers of , "tissue, tissue".. Lol. well, food was good, everyone was well-behaved. ehem! almost all la but let's not go into that. on a whole it was good. i'm happy about that. after that terrible period of suayness. still got abit of it. but it ain't so bad.

i think im going to fail my FP test, but thats fine..and i think im in deep shit for every other subject, but im ok. im still angry though. im not gonna bother with being NICE to sum pple and trying to make things right. i'm not a fucking doormat. you only want me to be there when you need something. and where were you when WE needed you?? i'm not your friend. i don't feel like a friend. i won't forget how u were late for our meeting. one time u made me wait for 1 1/2 hours. and more recently, u made me wait at the stupid station for an entire hour. and when u arrived, all u could say was Sorry. i'm done with the damn sorries. sorry does not exist in my vocabulary.-not when it comes to you, anyway. same shit for-fucking-ever. all this while, i feel like we've only been carrying you around. i can't even carry myself! it's time for you to get off our backs. it's probably shocking to you that we would be so harsh all of a sudden. i even surprise myself because of the way i feel- which is not even an ounce of sympathy. i usually do but not this time. what irritated me the most is when u pretended that everything was a-okay, like you didn't do anything wrong. and u continued to talk to me in all those times when i only wanted to just choke you to death.

2007-01-18T18:02:00.000+08:00

just got the word that we can't change our presentation slot. so neither am i changing my mind about this. i'm not going for the damn presentation-full stop. this may sound very lame and ridiculous to you. but this thing doesn't mean anything to me anyway. no sweat. i've put my family as a bigger priority over this stupid school thing. another option for me would have been to go to school, do my thing and leave-which means that i would be missing the main part of the entire day. wouldn't make sense for me to just attend the lunch, without even watching the ceremony. and it would be a reminder of what i couldn't be there to see. i'm not letting anything get in my way. after all the damn hype. can i just have one thing going my way for once? i'm tired of having to answer to pple and trying to make other pple happy all the bloody time. my group mates will very likely start to hate me for doing this. ah.!wad the hell. i can't expect every bloody person to like me. yes, i can be a crazy bitch. alot of pple doing this module will think i'm absolutely nuts coz this is like The FiNale. this IS a mad move but for some reason i just don't care.

~~i don't need you but i want you..feel abit mad for missing you~~

2007-01-16T16:48:00.000+08:00

busy busy..but i can't wait for saturday. even if i do have BD. i intend to have as much fun as possible and i'm not letting anything get me down. it's fucking 11 yrs since we last had a wedding in the family. everyone's all hyped up about this one. my dad bought a ZARA suit! yes! ZARA. omg. it was a sale lah, but still! my mum dragged him into the shop to check it out. haha! and everyone's got their outfits too. mine was prepared quite some time ago though. heehee! over-enthu. but i still needed my stockings and earrings. just bought them.

i can't hide the fact that i'm excited even though for me, it's actually become like pantang to be too excited over sth. i mean, just think about my christmas..-disaster. and new year- fucking disaster! and the post-christmas party--lagi worse! absolute disaster at the end.

on sunday, we tried predicting which idiot is going to start a fight at the wedding. ohhh boy! not surprising at all. we should all just hantam the person who starts a fight. bloody party pooper! and no more Shots for goodness sakes! the next person who even dares to force me to take a shot will have that same shot thrown in his face. if i don't want anymore, just forget it. no point what! almost whole house was out by 1130, that day. stupid idea. we're going to have a nice wedding in a classy place, in classy outfits..let's hope everybody will behave classy.

2007-01-11T20:46:00.000+08:00

kinda cooled down..i asked WW if we could switch and present first. the first presentation group will start at 9 sth to 1010..so i can leave, take a cab to church and change into my saree. that's what i'm hoping for. only hoping for the best. i don't want to think of the worst anymore. it's just gonna ruin my mood.
i've been trying to be a little more optimistic these few days. that little fortune thing kinda helped to assure me of some things. yea, myb i shouldn't take it so seriously but it feels good anyway and some of the things he said about me are so true. and there's also that bit of weirdness. he told me sth that's just like what that card reader told me a few years ago. i guess my future just looks the same. knowing me, love will just blind me and everything they warned me about will be erased from my mind. well, that's like 3 years away from now, supposedly. let's see what happens.i have yet to even meet a potential,..i think.haha. whatever lah. in the meantime..i don't think i actually need a man. i want one even though i don't need one. i can live without one even if i'm lonely.
i want to appreciate what i have now. instead of thinking about what i don't have. i'm trying like hell. but sometimes i forget.

~+ the hardest part is when you're in it +~

2007-01-11T13:24:00.000+08:00

Fuck BD, Fuck SCHOOL. fucking ruining everything. FUck, FucK, FUCK. why does it have to spoil my plans?! why does it have to be THAT day. it's the frikking day of the wedding .no matter what, i will be there. i don't care if i fucking get a ZERO for that Dumbshit presentation. who da fuck cares.?!

2007-01-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

had a nice long walk..went to the library-2 libraries actually. i was looking for a certain book. sometimes i'm such a loner. haha. part of me just didn't wanna bother anyone and part of me just wanted to be alone to think.
i can't be happy if i keep worrying about my future. yea, i haven't exactly been living for the moment. but now i know, it's not gonna be so bad after all.-despite the 'no luck with men' thing. maybe it's not really luck at all. must be me, living in fear of myself. that i might just chase someone off the minute he knows i'm interested. i can't talk much coz i worry too much about what i say and i worry too much about what he thinks of me. instead of just being comfortable and letting the person see the real me. i've just been holding myself back all this while. was just not happy with myself. people can say that i'm "hot" or what but it just goes in one ear and comes out the other. i don't really give a damn about what you say. "hotness" is nothing without self-acceptance and confidence. real beauty is also seeing yourself and others through the eyes of love, rather than fear. i'm far from being all of that, but i know i will be there one day. someday i'll smile, celebrate my being, wear red lipstick, speak my mind and love without fear.

2007-01-09T10:13:00.000+08:00

:)) i'm still thinking about what he told me yesterday. i missed out one thing-something about me being or becoming popular or something like that. oh, and about the fact that i'm damn lousy at expressing myself,..i think that's the reason why he said i have't got luck with men. true. my mouth gets zipped shut! it's something that just happens. it's an abnormal reaction.
i went home and told my mum about my reading. she asked me, "then children how?" about 2 or 3 times. but then he only told me that i will have them, as many as i like; didn't say how many. this guy doesn't give very exact predictions. the choice is, after all, up to me. he just points out the direction i'm headed towards. okay then. i would like 3 children please. haha! or..duno lah! must have at least one, i don't care.
and about that 'marrying up' thing, i always thought that i actually like to 'mother' certain pple. but then i guess it just won't work out coz at the end of the day i'll need a man who will take care of me- not the other way around.
i told my mum that maybe i'll be makeup artist one day coz he said that i'll do very well with jobs that involve making things beautiful.-she kept quiet. and then showed me this classified ad with vacancies for makeup artists. hehe. yeaaaa!

Fortune Teller!~

2007-01-08T14:04:00.000+08:00

omg omg omg! i just went to see this palm reader upstairs..im at skool now btw. paid 20 bux for a consultation. hais. ok, where do i start..i am hot-tempered, fickle-minded, indesicive,sentimental, moody, but very efficient when it comes to work. hmm..and then he said sth tt i can't understand. it's like 'the boss won't sack you. You will sack the boss.' heh! i don't know what that means but it sounds good. he said i'm very artistic too..i'd do very well with anything to do with beautiful things, making things beautiful. nyahaha! yay! see?! i shouldn't be here! and one thing he said was that i'm actually pretty confident on the inside but not very expressive. i can be either too quiet, or flirtatious. either one. but ermm..NO luck with men at the moment. like i didn't know that. harhar. high chance of remarriage too. to prevent, don't get married before the age of abt 27. if i find someone before that, i shouldn't marry him or it might not work out. didn't say that i couldn't, but i SHOULDN'T. and if i think that someone is slow,indesicive and err..duno? if he has sth that will make me look down on him then forget it. i must 'marry up'...that person has to be stronger than me. okie then, so i guess if i think he's abit of an idiot then i shouldn't bother eh?
and hmm..i will have children if i wish to. abit of a difficulty though, so believe it or not, i must eat less french fries and things. haha! and i have to watch the liver..might be some hereditary stuff. but if i eat and live well, of course, i'll be okay.
and ooh! i have got no problems with making money,..alot of opportunities to travel around in future. i'll meet alot of foreigners. i'll have some lobangs for my career from foreigners and i'll most probably marry one as well. kakakaka! and ooh. he was like "you'll have a VErrry good life, veryy good". at that, i was like :DD
okay, so lucky colours,..Violet and Orange! thankfully i love those colours. and my lucky numbers are 1,9 and 7. yepyep! ehem! actually he asked me if there was someone i was interested in so he could tell me if we were compatible. i shan't say much but the result was "mmm.....shouldn't have a problem. strong attraction is there." i could've died laughing but then i'll miss out on the rest of my soon to be good life. ah well. that thing shouldn't matter. i was just curious. haha! 'strong attraction'...

2007-01-08T09:19:00.000+08:00

sheesh!1st day of school. thought i was finally gonna have some fun over the weekend. i did-at first.until tragedy struck AGAIN. well, everybody was at least slightly tipsy. due to the amount of shots going around. i had 4 of them. i didn't even know what the hell was in them. they just tasted like crap. this time i really got high. haha. was helping to look for presents under the tree. i couldn't really read. hahahahaha! mad lah. but i walked fine :D
we danced and stuff. was fun at first. until sum pple started droppin like flies. and arguing amongst each other.that's the bloody thing with alcohol. all the emotions will just come out. duno when's story all bocor! the party ended way too early. 1140pm. i was only just starting to have some fun. dancing to bhangra and salsa..lol.
tsk. when is all this shit gonna end? i can't count my tears but i can count how many times i cried. 3 times in 3 days. i don't know what's happening to me or to the people around me. so fucked up.
yesterday i just decided to laze around at home. woke up at 1pm, lazed around, walked to IMM with mum. i had my favourite cake in the whole WORld!-secret recipe's chocolate banana cake. and irish lamb stew. whoa..just to make myself happy for awhile. anything at all, just to forget and be happy.

2007-01-06T09:27:00.000+08:00

had a long long chat with a cuzzie. 5 hours on foot! walking all around orchard area, went to city hall, marina..and walked right back to the start of orchard,where we'd met up 5 hours before. frikkin mad. haha. talking about the same old shit but we were quite happy with that. so stressed out since christmas. my days have been cursed since that day.
and there's more in store for me today..and tomorrow..and the day after tomorrow. i don't need the cards to tell me that. i'm just doomed. today is the day when i'll have to meet 'them'..and i don't know what kind of impression im going to make of them, or how i should react. and tomorrow i have to worry about school..and monday as well. and tuesday. fuck. everyday of mine is doomed. i'll only have two more weeks of school. i know what i want to do once i'm out. but i just can't be happy. my heart fills with a longing for something else.

..+ time won't heal this heart +..

2007-01-05T14:23:00.000+08:00

in agony..why does everyone ard me seem to be changing or disappearing? either that or someone WitH Me is complaining that someone they know has changed or disappeared. i don't know what isit with this fucked up year. y'all going crazy isit? i've been hearing about this since the bloody year started. like why do you have to forget people just coz u have someone new to occupy urself with? when all this while we were all together, quite happy to talk crap. and then some goon comes along and we become invisible. i don't intend to be selfish here.. i don't expect all the attention. i expect you to at least be mindful that that goon is not the only person in this world. it doesn't mean that you can just disappear, leave us out or start making promises to us, that you can't keep.
btw, this post does not refer to any ONE person. it's a FEW mad people. yes. YOU people are fucking mad. and here, i was thinking that i was going nuts. i just feel like i need to slap you all. if the slap doesn't work, i would be more than happy to knock you on the head. yes, its 2007. but nothing separates this year from the last, except that one stupid digit. stop it already!

+ Bas ek gham hai ke jaata nahin +

2007-01-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

just finished ranting out a really evil blog post in the other blog. the mood is still there and the evil thoughts are still flowing. i've also been getting all these things that i frankly don't want or don't need. nothing i get lately is what i want. i've just been pushing things away, pushing people away in the process of trying to get the things that i want.
i don't know what's happened to me in these years. negativity's just got a hold of me. i get bored easily. i don't think it's coz my dreams are abit too big. they're pretty simple actually. just that i'm always offered the things that i dont want and i'm getting very bored. especially bored of guys trying to ask me out or get my number.for some reason i just don't think of any of them as being sincere. suddenly i have that perception towards all guys and therefore i don't care.when i think about it, i do feel evil. and i'm not even doing anything to change it. i really don't give a shit anymore.

{i miss the memory..}

2007-01-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

i saw a bigass rainbow today. the very first day of the year. that's a very good sign i think. especially since the thing ended near my block!-i was looking at it from godma's house in jurong east. the thing started from bukit batok and ended right there! rainbows, rainbows..a very good sign. im going to get holy for abit.. God's sign of the covenant that he will not destroy all life on earth.. sth like that. i have not read the bible in years. i think it's a sign of new hope for me. after all that drama. everyone was yelling 'Happy New Year'! and there i was, silently crying inside. i deserve some joy, just like everyone else.

~when God put the heart inside a chest, he gave love along with it..~

bad ending,bad beginning..

2007-01-01T13:44:00.000+08:00

that was my NYE. we took the taxi, just me n my two cousins, to clarke quay. got there at 5 mins to midnite and just stood there in silence. we had our own dramas playing in our heads. still in the midst of the drama, so much so that we didn't really have the mood.
the clock struck midnite and we were still standing there. confetti flying around. it was like everything was in slow motion or sth. all i could think about was the really horrible ending to this stupid year.

we waited for my cousin's gf and ended up at Attica. hais. more things to add to the suay-ness. it was so crowded.-and i had a frikkin flu. was so damn stuffy, i don't know how i managed to cram in there until 4am. i had beer spilt on my dress, paid $12 for a drink that never came, and almost had my finger roasted by somebody's cigarette.

at the end of the party, it was just my cousin and me, all alone. we had to walk all the way to tekka mall before we finally found a cab. but not before we got followed by a bunch of drunken foreign workers. and after they were gone, we got the smell of frikkin flowers in the air. you know what that means. it was 4+ in the morning and it was just the 2 of us standing on the deserted street opposite tekka mall.
just when i thought that things couldn't be any worse. it seems that stuff that's been happening was only the beginning. and last night was the grand finale-i hope. this festive season just fukkin sucks! the entire damn season. i really don't know what the hell i was celebrating for. i guess i was present but just not celebrating like everyone else. these days are just a mess of tears, heartbreak and complicating situations, some for me and the rest for the others around me. not much joy to spread..

pple have changed, relationships have changed,..i dont have a problem with change, if only the change was good. i just find myself becoming more cynical as the days go by. as i start to realise that i really have no one on my side. no one but me. i realise that there really isn't anyone i can trust or rely on to make me happy. everyone's just getting so self-centered so i might as well do the same. why should i bother if nobody thinks of me anyway? i used to think that being good to people can get me somewhere but now i think i've been too damn good. i don't bother to confront people, i ignore problems i have with pple,..coz sum pple are so fucking sensitive anyway. i don't want to ruin a good relationship so i just go along with the flow. sometimes i just agree for the sake of keeping someone else happy. but i realise that i was only lying to them and to myself by agreeing.

being nice won't always get u somewhere. in fact it's got me nowhere. i'm just a doormat now. i shall try this new strategy of being not-so-nice. i can still lose people now, when im being too nice. let's see how different it'll be if im not-so-nice. im just so fed-up with everything. so please excuse me if i decide to voice my own opinions or confront you if im not happy with something.

this year is probably going to be a very different one for me. i'm so tired of all this shit, i want to make a change and i will.

for you..

2006-12-31T13:12:00.000+08:00

so much for the long wait for that christmas trip. mostly crap. the only thing that was good was the trip to KL. and the weather up there in Genting. had a blast shopping in KL. that was the highlight of the trip.. and maybe the KTV thing as well. had a good laugh there. releasing the stress.

it's already new year's eve today. i shall bear my heart for today..doesn't matter what anybody thinks. i had so much hope for the year. hopes that were in vain..efforts that were in vain. i realise that sometimes it's still not good enough, no matter how much effort you put into something. i did more than i ever thought i would-just when i was just about to quit. i told myself that this would be the last time. and this will be.

it seems that whatever i said to you and whatever i did, did not even mean much to you. maybe you just don't get it. or maybe you just 'don't wanna talk about it' like always. but i just wanted to tell you to forget about me telling you that stuff. i already knew all along that you didn't feel the same way about me-even if you didn't say it out loud. that's fine. maybe you just didn't know how to say it out. that's ok. i can accept it, in time. i don't wanna be selfish either. if you're happy right now, i can be happy for you even if it's going to take time.

i think at least i got abit of what i want. i didn't want you to run off and avoid me. and you didn't. we're still talking, although it's abit weird right now, to me. i duno, but sth's just not right. yes, i regret telling you. i don't even know why i did it. it was a spur of the moment thing but i meant what i said. i have no idea what else to say to you right now, coz i don't know what you're really thinking. pretty please tell me.. thank you and Happy New Year.

2006-12-21T23:17:00.000+08:00

okay. now i'm wondering if i can actually follow that list of resolutions. i don't want to be miserable, like i always have been. but the negativity's just become like a part of me.
ah. anyway. its like 11 days to the new year? till then i'll be focused on christmas. i cleaned out my pigsty today. it had a load of dust and weird creatures.-literally. some stupid bug i've never seen before just crawled out from somewhere. omg. i don't know where it is now. sheesh. Evs..my room is now dust-free. i cleared out 5 bags full of junk too. :P yah. the whole year's worth of junk. can't wait to get them curtains and bedsheets on. and buy my new carpet as well.-completes the theme i'm going for.
i also packed summore stuff for my Genting trip. yes, i am Very excited now. we're all hyped up about it. planning to go down to KL as well..shop,club etc. 25th to 27th..hehe. so much to do..in so little time..

~*..with words, like music to my ears..*~

resolutions for 2007!

2006-12-18T15:30:00.000+08:00

i've just thought about the things that i want to do in 2007-it's drawing near already. so i made my list!

resolutions for 2007:

i shall save money for my diploma
i shall learn to treat OTHERS with more patience and kindness
i shall treat MYSELF with more patience and kindness
i shall be nice to others-just not to the extent that i become a doormat
i shall forgive myself
i shall be a better version of me-both mentally and physically
i shall rebuild my self esteem
i shall learn to love myself
i shall not torture my mind with insecurities
i shall not fall in love
i shall not trust
i shall rely on NO ONE for my happiness-no one but myself

these sound like rules....my own damn rules for myself. achievable? not sure but most of this is what i'm going to achieve someday at least.there will be somedays when i'm going to get horribly irritated with somebody. but i shall be nicer. and sure, i'll fall in love. just not next year-i refuse to. the heartbreak is not necessary. yes, that always happens. i mean ALWAYS.

2006-12-14T18:38:00.000+08:00

shikes! i can't believe that tomorrow's actually the last day of school before term break. i can't believe it's frikkin Christmas break! i'm going on full force Christmas prep next week! apart from the tree, the house does NOT look like it's christmas. can't wait to start making cakes and going shopping! i've been going on about this forever and now it's almost here!
tomorrow's my dad's b'day too. 55! wonder what we'll be doing for the occasion...hmmm..dham bryani?-that is one thing we've all been planning to eat since my bro got back from mumbai. so long ago.

btw, i came across a mad site over the weekend =>www.laddertheory.com
offering the so-called 'scientific' explanation of how men and women are attracted to each other. sum wild explanation..maybe i do have 2 ladders.just never really thought of it this way. lol. go amuse yourself now..and wonder where YOU are on somebody's ladder. heehee!

~what a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way..~

2006-12-14T13:13:00.000+08:00

waaadd?! somebody googled me 2 days ago. 6.09pm on 12th december. don't think i don't know eh? i've got my stats with me. wah! i'm so interesting izit? and even weirder..pple searching for my blaw lecturer. LOL. what the hell for? i don't know.
k.anyway, weird things aside..all i want for christmas this year!:

a nice handbag
corset top
BB deluxe mini brush set
BB apricot shimmerbrick
cool new shoes
peace
LoVE

2006-12-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

haven't had much to blog about except my misery. it's only wednesday. too darned slow. can't wait to finally do my xmas shopping next week. i'm a month too late. all i've been doing is looking ard at the kind of stuff i wanna get. just haven't bought them. i usually start buying in november! but here i am..stuff not bought, room not even cleaned up..no carpet on the floor, still got 2 desks, still have bags on my floor, overflowing with school notes. always the same..square 1.

i went around yesterday, to look for a nice jacket, but nope. i only found a nice corset top-which i can't wear to Genting unless i intend to freeze. its only for like new yr or sth. ah..i can't wait. i did have abit of christmas feeling after watching 'the nativity story' yesterday. so..waah..! with the songs and all. back to square 1 today. i just can't do it now, with school n shit.

feel like dumbshit everyday coz i dont seem to know anything during lectures or tutorials. but i don't listen during lectures anyway. not interested...hmm.maybe i'm not that dumb after all.

*Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own..when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.*

2006-12-11T10:33:00.000+08:00

hais..okay, so i got even more MAC stuff. bought the concealor and the lipgloss yesterday. looks just as good. and besides, i saved $37 from my makeup list, with those. bobbi brown's concealor kit is $56. heart pain..don't spend so much. and their lippie is $32. abit more ex only, but nevermind. the MAC salesgirl was so nice, i just decided to get the damn gloss as well-yes. finally, a nice MAC SA..omg. i think i shall go back to that outlet if i ever need anything from MAC.
anyways, 5 of us..my cousins n my bro, went about town, looking at clothes for our vacation. fur jackets and all. lol. like we're going to alaska or sth. looks so nice lah. but it's not like i'm gonna be vacationing at cold places all the time. so, no fur jackets for moi. i'm just thinking maybe a dark brown jacket and another white one. ooh! wish i had cash..those damn knee-high timberland's are killer. my cousin bought them.lol. i could only admire..

and shites!- gotta leave for school now. stupid school. can't wait for it to be over. just one more bloody week to my holidays. wish it would speed up a little..

And here's a pic of baby chilling under the tree.lolz..so cozy.

2006-12-05T16:03:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a baad day..very bad. and i was supposed to have something 'Glorious' happening to me this week. bull! it was the SUN and the Ace of CUps for gdness sakes! its supposed to be daamnn good! but now i'm left with a scraped knee and a tonne of things on my mind. woo hoo.
can't frikkin wait for christmas. gotta get away from all this craziness. i wanna start shopping for christmas, and doing up my room,..the tree's up already. same old deco, and i hung them all up by myself. shiok sendiri la. doesn't mean that we don't have to put up the frikkin tree if no one's coming to our house rite? i need that tree for abit of feeling. =) besides, i might be having a few friends over, after we come home from Genting. yea!

20 days to Christmas!

2006-11-30T20:58:00.000+08:00

wheeee! my fren n i were just talking about christmas and suddenly i felt so damn happy. yea. christmas makes me feel goooooddd. makes me forget every other issue that i have right now and just think about the good stuff. i just had a dream about christmas.. presents everywhere, in gold, turquoise and bright pink! lots of gold everywhere..colourful fantasy.ooh!

i like that cold weather that we get on christmas nights. it's a special feeling, i can't explain it. and u get those xmas adverts and songs playing everywhere u go..and we're like rushing to get those last minute presents prepared. but what i really love is one of those days where the christmas songs are playing, the lights are all dim, and my mum's making fruit cake in the kitchen..with the smell wafting out. ooh! and then i'm outside, wrapping presents and my bro's doing his thing and my dad's admiring the house n the christmas tree. typical scenario.. but it's a nice feeling to have everyone around to spend christmas with. it's a great time to forget about everything n everybody who pisses you off. haha! but also, it's just that feeling..that nice peaceful feeling.

god i miss being happy! i miss being at peace with myself..i miss that feeling that everything's going my way..i miss that feeling of my heart skipping a beat at the sight of hmm...nvm. i miss that feeling of butterflies! i usually turn into a complete mess with butterflies in my tummy but i still miss it anyway..just one more moment of it all please. it's been too long.

2006-11-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

just got home from school. had sum silly career-in-finance talk from 3-5. i seriously needed someone to give me ONe damn Good reason WHY i had to attend that talk. it doesn't have anything to do with the kind of career that i want to have anyway. now's the time when everybody will start asking me, 'so,what do u want to do after you graduate?'..all i've done so far is to smile and say, 'i think i'll work for abit n see how it goes from there'. but i think i shall be totally honest from today. my answer will be, 'i'm going to a makeup school'-full stop. like do whatever you want; raise your eyebrows, chuckle to yourself, think it's mad. who cares? i certainly don't. not anymore. i'm proud that at least i finally have some sense of direction in my life. i actually know what i want to do..i have an ambition and there is nothing to be ashamed of about that.

2006-11-28T16:45:00.000+08:00

was looking through my shopping list last night, thinking of what new makeup stuff i need to get. and i realised that more than half of the things in my cosmetics bag is made up MAC stuff. and YET!-i still don't get the kind of service that i would expect at their counters. what do i get? salesgirls posing in one corner, vague one liner answers, being ignored etc.

i was at the Tangs counter at orchard on saturday to get my mascara and a lipstick. NOBODY helped me with my choice of colours. even when i asked, all i got was a stupid one liner. 'oh.this one is for lengthening, that one is for thickening'-when both the descriptions implied lengthening AND curling. and after she said that, she went to talk to some other customer like i didn't matter at all. i needed a recommendation dammit! which one do u recommend, konu?!

and then there was the lipstick..i must have stood there, in front of the vast array of lipsticks for at least a couple of minutes,..trying to choose a nice natural colour. Nobody came to help. what u want me to do?? wave frantically for your attention?? at last, i chose the bloody colour myself and got someone to take it for me. Foo! after what must have been like 10 minutes? and then i got home and realised i'd taken the wrong shade of mascara-lofty brown.-when i actually wanted it in black! you see!? you see lah!

that's it bugger! i'm gonna try switching brands for abit. i've always wanted to try Bobbi stuff-just that it's pricier than MAC stuff. yah. MAC is more affordable ok? u see? even some ordinary person like me, can buy it. so i don't know what the hell the staff are being so arrogant about. like so big deal isit? i wouldn't mind paying more elsewhere if there's better service there.

very suay day, but also abit good.hmmm...

2006-11-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

whee! just got back from vivo..and i finally bought my dress for the wedding. it's from Forever 21. i just walked into the shop with my mudder and fell in love with it! it's a red,knee length tube dress with some lace round the waist :D am happy with it. but then after sum pple saw me try it, i saw two girls walk straight to the rack to get the same dress to try on. alamak! why must take the same dress?! sheesh, whatever. i like my dress. :D i walked ard tangs too. was lookin at shoes to go with it. i'm thinking red shoes. yea..not sure of what kind though..taking my time to find for a good pair.
yeps..so that was my day.

well, of course there was school. the start of the day was damn depressing but it ended quite ok. had my ben and jerry's..a cure for the blues..i think i'm feeling abit better now. ABIT. coz omg. i cannot believe my suayness..seems like everyday i have to bear with something suay.

anger is such a waste of time and energy..and yet we waste it anyway. my anger used to turn into tears easily. but the tears just won't come these days. no matter how bad it gets. i think this is worse though. coz u have feelings all bottled up inside and u can't let it out with tears.

2006-11-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

hm..i wonder how i managed to get those 60 marks for my online test, which i did not even study for. -not even ONE PAGE. im amazed at myself for once. it's good. especially for a really moody day. i have that tendency to keep dwelling and thinking about certain things that shouldn't even matter too much at all.
i tend to hide the fact that i'm hurt, from the very people who hurt my feelings in anyway even if they don't know it. i just don't want people to know that i'm upset. just so you know, sometimes i act cool when i'm really NOt cool with something. myb coz I don't want to end up offending anyone, especially my friends or my family. coz i know that when i get frustrated, i will say anything and everything and then regret it later. if we can talk it out, good. but i don't want a situation where we just end up not speaking to each other or sth..
what am i getting at? well, think for abit, or maybe u already know ya? i'd hate to ruin any of my relationships with people but i need to say something, somewhere. i'm tired of being silent coz it's not doing any good at all. but where do i start?

pretending to be cool with everything..

2006-11-23T11:00:00.000+08:00

it's lunchtime and i'm sitting in the lab by myself. partly coz none of my usual lunch gang came and partly coz i have no mood to eat. hmm...PMS? nono. couldn't be. i'm just in one of my moods. my complaints to huda did not exactly help at all. sometimes i only make myself more stressed by talking it out.
tryna chill.i think my kitty's better today. was not as horrifying as yesterday. well, can't get her to the vet, but i shall hug her everyday, clean her up nicely, manja her, carry her up on the bed whenever she wants. looked 'happy' just now. she was rolling on the floor and everything. hais..my kitty in old age. still cute though, at the ripe old age of 15. ya. she's like my child. :)
ok, my tummy is aching like mad. no, it's not coz i havent eaten anything in the last 12 hours or so..u noe wad i mean? this is not helping me with my mood at all..

2006-11-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98MgvRvHOjI
nah. have a look at the vid i saw...saddening coz it's blur la. it was much clearer on hp cam. dammit.

2006-11-22T20:10:00.000+08:00

I think that sometimes i may be abit TOO nice for my own good..some people think i'm so nice, i won't get angry with them for too long(even though i feel like slapping their face). i've had people stepping all over me so many times and i'm sick of it. sick of covering for people's asses, sick of putting up with such idiotic behaviour and still keeping quiet about it.

I never had the heart to confront situations and tell people how i feel. partly coz i'm afraid that i might explode and shock somebody, and partly coz i don't want to upset the relationship if we're friends or family. like right now i'm caught in a situation and whether or not i speak up, it will be wrong and somebeody's going to get mad at me. i wish i never knew anything about this stupid situation. coz i feel bad now..i wanted to help out by just listening but even that's not easy sometimes.. i know too much.

and then there's that feeling of being used. i have that tendency to keep putting up with people's nonsense and not even confronting the issue. it's got to stop somewhere. i can't put up with this shit anymore..people taking advantage of my nature, lying to me, using me. sometimes i just wanna scream in my head. like FUCK YOu! and i do..after awhile the feeling subsides and i'll go on like as if nth happened at all. shites.

OMG-can't believe what i just saw!!

2006-11-18T09:25:00.000+08:00

was at aunty jen's place yesterday to see mama..she was aight.laughing and all.LOL. good to see.and then omg!! i got to see that video that my cousin took the other day while he was at changi village with a friend. arrgh!! pontianak! i can't believe it-it was so clear! she was just standing there, amongst the trees, hair all the way down to the legs(or watever she has) and she was wearing a white dress. couldn't really see the face, but it seemed to glow..like eeee! even the dress was glowing. she just stood there for more than 20 seconds, just staring at my cousin taking the video. it looks damn eery even for someone watching the vid coz she looks as if she's staring at you. yeaarrrgghh!! ok and then..omg. she turned to the left, jumped up abit(getting ready for takeoff :P) and FLEW!! she frikkin FLEW off! my cousin couldn't see her anywhere after tt. she just flew up onto the trees and disappeared. foo! i wouldn't wanna see all that in real life but it's cool to see such things exist. i told my dad about it and he said that she might have been afraid, that's why she flew off. coz sometimes they can sense when someone is strong..i guess she was tryna scare them by standing there and lookin scary. didn't work so she flew away to haunt someplace else. boo hoo for her!

2006-11-16T19:53:00.000+08:00

it's really awful, having an overbite. my gums are hurting now, i can't smile. i'm totally wary of smiling at people but sometimes i just forget when they make me laugh or smile.. it feels good to laugh and i should probably forget about it but it just gets to me. call me a perfectionist if you want but how would you like to have my set of teeth then? Ass. i don't like it and that's that. don't ask me why i don't smile in pictures or even anywhere else for that matter. stupid question.
i'm finally going for my braces appointment in april. i'm not even thinking about the pain coz at the end of the day it'll all be worth it.

2006-11-15T11:13:00.000+08:00

went to the hospital yesterday to see gran..it was a lung infection actually. but she's much better now..might be discharged today. the whole lot of us were there, surrounding the bed and being quite noisy. LOL. with all the laughter.

well, i haven't had much time to blog coz of stupid MST. i just had two tests on monday and yesterday. and i think i might just fail both, if not one. i can never seem to concentrate on my notes. my mind is just not here.. maybe it's coz i can't actually give a shit about finance and bank stuff. i don't appreciate it..it's just plain bullshit to me. 3 years of having to learn it is bloody torture. but thank God i only have like less than four months(i think) before im out!! i don't totally regret coming here though. i think i'm here for a few reasons. some of which i already know..and maybe there are others i've yet to know of.

2006-11-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

i can't believe it, but my first big prediction that came true just happened yesterday. i kept pulling the 10 of swords card..i was totally dreading it. some misery ahead..its a miserable, hopeless card. and then i found out what it was all about. it couldn't have been more accurate. i still can't believe it.
but from what i see, it's just a short-term difficulty. the long-term outlook looks okay to me. i really wonder why all this came up so suddenly. and then i read today and it was back to the same kinda results. somethings goin on..and some pple will think that this is just ridiculous,..even i thought my prediction was mad. until it happened and then i realised wad it was trying to say. but come to think of it,..it's actually not bad coz my long term outlook has always been good. and that's a good sign.
for now..yes, i can see why i'm suddenly confused. i have questions left unanswered. sometimes i just feel like saying it out loud. but i'm just not sure if that would have the best outcome.

2006-11-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

ok..my fren here was saying that there were guys lookin at me yesterday at vivo, but i didn't even know it. she says it happens alot but i swear, i was like 'wtf?! where got cute guys?! i didn't see wat?!' now she says she wants to pluck her eyeballs out and loan them to me. kakakakakakakaka! seriously, i don't notice such things unless i think the guy is really cute, or just has something about him that's really worth noticing, in a nice way. i can't frickin explain it but some people do have that effect. it's a kind of presence babeh! sometimes when they look my way, i just find myself looking back at them too. its weird. but nice. hehe!
and with other guys it's like i won't even know that they were ever looking at me nor will i even bother until they eventually come up to me or sumthing. it's not that they're not cute or what. i don't know, but i just don't notice. my eyes are just drawn to certain pple's qualities. it could be his nice hair, or great smile, a piercing or a tattoo sumwhere, the dressing, the height, or nice boyish good looks..anything. don't ask me why i like certain people..sometimes even i don't know. i can't put my finger on it k??

2006-11-09T20:20:00.000+08:00

just went to catch 'the covenant' this afternoon. i'd prolly give it 3 1/2 stars out of 5. i'm giving it the extra half star coz of the cute boys and the cute butts(shower scene). ooh! ok. and that was it. the ending was bloody disappointing i say. it's just two pple fighting and ermm..go watch it and you'll know. i'm not satisfied with the plot either. ugh! all this time i was waiting to go watch it and now i have but i really don't know what to make of it.
anyways, basket! i broke my frikkin blusher compact. now i REALLY have to get a new one. i didn't realise that it was broken until i opened it this afternoon. bledy hell! but then again, hehe! it's a M.A.C blusher for me then! hooray! might just go down to vivo again to get it. and ooh! christmas things are already up!i saw it at vivo earlier on.. omg..so soon!
i love christmas. but then it's like the end of the year will be here again..and then it's back to square one, and i will be a year older!. 20 bloody years old! boy does time fly~~ oh well, i guess i'll just enjoy my days as they come. this year was not too bad for me. not as bad as last year, i think. hopefully next year will bring even better things!

2006-11-06T21:18:00.000+08:00

BOOHOO! stupid week this is turning out to be. i came to school, was supposed to do FP project and nobody came. so i sat there..typed sum ratio nonsense. hais..and tomorrow i have to go for this charity golf thing. shites. whole day right until dinner. and then i have to think about the tests next week. stupid MST week. was invited to go clubbing on thursday, but i don' t think that's gonna happen. shitty shit shit. and i really don't know when i'm gonna start studying either. everyday is like no mood.
i'm trying to think of nice things to talk about with my friend. but hais. i still have that cloud hanging over me. i don't know about him, but i can't seem to make myself feel any better.

"Nostril" Accounts

2006-11-03T19:46:00.000+08:00

lh and i were having a laugh during lecture today. learning about stupid Nostro Accounts. our teacher kept saying what sounded like 'nostril' accounts-hence the title up there. and then i turned up my nose at lh,like a pig and then we burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. to make things worse, i snorted. nyaahahahahhaa!!! lolzz.. was just being a dork. the things we do to entertain oursleves at lectures.
yesterday was worse though. our dear lousy louis was doing a silly 'magic trick' to entertain the whole row of us. just sth with his chocolate container cover. heehee! and then we made summore stupid jokes and giggled for the most part of that excrutiating 2-hour lecture. i laughed till my tummy ached. yesterday was a bad day. but that, i think was the best part of it.

and just one more thing.-i can't believe it! aaaahhhh!!!!! my cousin's pregnant!-again! i hope it's a girl. nyahaha! sho kute!

2006-11-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

does this look foggy to you now louis?? and no, that pic below is not my 'yarn rack' or whatever u call it. see? loads of glittery bangles! look properlyyyy...
and the one below is one of the cards i framed to put up on the wall. =D my room is finally taking shape. it was a pain to walk to my old boring room, with absolutely nothing worthy of admiring in it- besides the cat who sometimes visits and stretches out on the floor with her face to the ceiling. haaaa...

yea. tryna make myself sound happier. it's not because i have high standards or something. it's just that WE ARE FRiKKIN LATE! and well, a few other points too. i said earlier on that i didn't want to talk about it but hell! i still did anyway. feels a wee bit better.

2006-11-01T14:42:00.000+08:00

i've been in this same seat since 9 in the morning. i want to go home! NOW! this sux! it's been 6 frikkin hours. i've done my part and i want to go.

the family's going to the tour agency today to book the tickets for the Genting trip this Christmas. i'm not going with them today though. i need rest and a peace of mind. i'll stay home today.

and don't ask me what's wrong with me. i just don't feel like talking.

2006-10-30T19:42:00.000+08:00

aight! fixed some stuff in my room..i love my new lighting! (how many times have i actually said this?)XD anyways, i only took two pics coz the place is not completely done up yet. i just took the pretty parts. heehee! the first one is my desk.ya, i know. no place to study.just to put things. that thing there is my bangle rack if u don't know wad that is. and the 2 framed pics are actually deepavali greeting cards but i thought they'd make nice art. or rather my mum thought they'd make nice art.hehe! she had the idea. this is prolly my fave part of the room at the moment.
and below! my light. too bad, my fone cam is so damn bad. i wanted to take the picture with the light switched on. but that only made the thing look like a ball of light. sheesh!

2006-10-30T14:42:00.000+08:00

we tried doing BD-but nooooo..here we are blogging. louis! can i count on you today? i dont have excel at home so i can only help you do research. must do ahh??! before i go crazy again. i need hellp!! the week sucks la,hais. but on the bright side, my dad's actually gonna fix my new chandelier for me..yea,bright side. no pun intended. hooray! new light! lame ya? but at least i find myself appreciating even the little stuff, more often these days. im less cranky, my blog posts don't have as many expletives-no reason for me to be that way anymore. sometimes i wonder, why the hell was i so angry in the first place? ? i've been thinking about that ever since that first(or was it the 2nd?) psycho lesson we had. about anger and depression and stuff. it's cool coz i wanna know why people feel the way they do. sometimes i get angry at even the smallest of things and other times i just don't give a flying cow(oops!i know louis, its ur blog footer thing)

kay,anyway..i tried more tarot-ing this morning. hais. im not getting anywhere. and i think i'm gonna stop reading for people for awhile. my face-to-face readings are all nonsense with little details at the moment. i'll just end up leaving people with a very blur look on their faces. to make things worse, a certain somebody told me that my prediction was not true. and then kept repeating it over and over like i'm such a horrible reader. i was thinking, fuck!(yeaps. it had to come out) it's not like you're paying me to read for you! i've only been doing this for little more than a month! and that's it!-no more readings for you even if i do become a pro someday. buy your own cards and read for your bloody self. my readings will be strictly online for now. i've got better results for online readings. i have more time to think and of course, there's my online manual. :))

but i do confuse myself alot, with readings for myself. the two cards will go together, but the meaning as a whole is just ridiculous! i mean, the answer is pretty relevant to my question but it's just impossible! haha!yeaps. for your information, i got the ace of cups and the knight of cups. the ace of cups is abt love. love love love. falling in luurrvve..stupid la! like whateverrrr!~ nobody's falling in love with me la!

2006-10-29T20:07:00.000+08:00

finally went to vivo city today. damn! it's frikkin huge! it's got everything in there-like too many things! you'd be spoilt for choice. i ended up not buying anything except for a new pouch for my 2nd tarot deck. there was a whole lot of stuff i would have loved to buy, if only i had the money. :P i saw this dress at forever 21.hais..so sad to have lef t the shop without it. was thinking of wearing it for the wedding dinner.
tsk. that place. maybe i shouldn't have gone today. heart pain, cannot buy anything. but what to do? i was too damn bored at home. at least i got to look at some nice things. i think i really need to shop though. and i mean buying things-not just window shopping.it's been too damn long..
shieets..thinking of school tomorrow though. yikes! im really dreading this week. stupid BD!! it's spoiling the whole outlook of my week. i can't wait for the submission to just come and go. then that's it! finito! i can finally have my peace of mind again..

2006-10-29T00:52:00.000+08:00

ahhh...finally went out. this MOS is really not that fantastic. the place looked cool but the crowd sucked.i dont think i'll be goin back there again. nope! i'd rather go back to phunkbar or obar or sumpts. sucky lah..didnt help when my feet started to hurt big time with my pointed shoes! made me feel even worse!

wish i could go today though. like now! alot of halloween parties going on tonight and im here, stoning in front of the comp.it feels like a frikkin sunday.-it IS sunday now, but i've had that feeling all day long. was hanging around town today, with not much cash in the pocket so nothing much to buy except food. so dull..

fortunately it is sunday now-not monday. im gonna stay home and relax! i really wanna finish doing my room makeover but my dad doesn't wanna fix the new lighting for me or hang up my frames on the wall. i'll have to wait till monday for that. just another day to wait. i guess i'll just have to clear up somemore stuff. that's the most i can do for now. was at IKEA yesterday to buy my stuff. my new bedsheets and the lighting..i shall take pictures to post here once everything is up!

2006-10-26T13:14:00.000+08:00

yepyep!im going today. hais..finally. was feeling very evil this morning, while doing BD. coz it sucks to the coree!!m hoping to have a good time tonight. wheeeee! it's been too bloody long since i've been out clubbing. like some nerd or sumpts. can't wait to get home..need to get sum stuff.
i pulled cards this morning, before leaving for school..hehe! fits the night perfectly. eating/drinking and partying excessively. LOL.boy, am i amazed. there was also something about some inner reflections as well..solitude.hmm. must be this morning.
there's one thing i've been wondering for days though..what does it mean when you get the MagiCian and the WorLd as cards for what someone thinks of you?ah well, who da hell am i asking this to? i'll go check it out on aeclectic tarot or sumtps..

2006-10-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

i need to go out!!-but i can only do that tomorrow. if permission is granted-and it must be, otherwise you people will never hear the end of it. i must fight for my rights!-to party! XD supposed to be going MOS;which i haven't even been to, all this time. wowee..im so good aren't i? square pot, that's what! ha! that's it..im going to paint the town red tmr nite. that's the plan.
for tonight, i'll be going to bed in my utter emoness.stupid BD.just leave us all in peace can? i have good card readings but all this is spoiling my mood.even good predictions will not lift my spirits! i don't need anything else spoiling my mood right now. my state is as emo as it is already.
okay then..must go now.But b4 i do, i would like to welcome a new blogger-our friend 'Louis'!..remember to blog more and tag more too! Good night y'all!

2006-10-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

i'll tell you just what my weekend was. A Series of Unfortunate Events.Seriously. firstly..poor cassey lou passed away in hospital on saturday evening(Sobs!the poor girl)..and then i missed 4d consolation-coz i didnt buy the bloody number. and there was an argument at 5 in the morning..and last night, my mum's number came out for the 2nd prize-but she forgot to buy that number!!!!!!!!! Arghhhh!!!! so frickin frus! a mess of tears and frustration..not directly to me, except for that bloody number. but they still got to me. too many bad things..i have no mood to talk about all this.

In Loving Memory
of Cassey Lou

2006-10-18T18:34:00.000+08:00

gees. the days have been going by so fast. what have i been doing?? im hardly online at all, these days. let's i went to little india 3 times!-only once to buy my own stuff. the other times i just followed my cousin and my aunties ard to buy their stuff. and then i went to ikea yesterday to buy sum of my room stuff. wah! so many things to do on my list now...buy curtains,bedsheets,carpet, chandelier, tablecloth..and then move sum furniture ard,get rid of sum stuff,put up sum stuff..alamak! we're not even celebrating christmas at home this year. -at least we don't plan to.but i just want to come home to a nice cozy room..

i don't know abt that genting trip mann..still alot of negotiations going on. if it becomes a success, ohh boyy! we'll be takin up the whole damn bus..imagine the chaos! wooooott! i hope we can do sth different this year. like spending christmas in a casino or sth, and eating and drinking, and shopping! ha! just one sad thing..i have to leave my baby at the pet hotel. aaaahhhhh!!!! i SO do NOT like the idea of sum pple handling my baby. she is old but still fierce. i don't think the poor staff will be able to groom her at all! not even a single strand of fur shall be touched.-she's that antisocial. hmmm..how like this?

oh!one more thing.- i bought tarot of the 1001 nights. ugh! u see?! i knew it..somehow i'll always end up contemplating further when i go there. but i think i regret it. the art work is very-the-damn-nice BUT these cards are damn evil. so negative. and then when i go back to using my kitty deck,it's not too bad at all! like really! argh!! how do i fix this!? let's see..i gave the deck a hard smack, put it under my pillow, i even blew on it,..and then what?!evil evil evil!it says im going to divorce la, duno vat la..alamak! the other cards never said anything abt that before. and oh! its not bcoz i only like to listen to all the good stuff onli. in fact, my kitty deck has actually given me a few good predictions that actually came true. so there! i cant stand this new one..

2006-10-12T14:01:00.000+08:00

i haven't had much to blog about. i'm just bored right now. but Darren is annoying me<-he asked me to type this. ugh! okok. nah! i made it bold summore. anyway, i just have the urge to type sth everytime i come for BD on thursday. i can't believe it's already week 3 and what have i been doing? dreaming, dreaming, dreaming. i don't do tutorials,i don't listen at lectures..i sleep when i get home or tarot all day long, hang ard online,... my poor depressed soul. school is such a bore. thank goodness i've only got one semester to go..-if i don't fail, that is. this sem's modules are a whole bloody lot tougher. it's so irritating. like what?! do they enjoy giving us all this tough shit to handle?!

i only have my weekends to look forward to. im going to either IKEA or little india(again) on saturday. i'm not sure. you see? once the plans roll in, there will usually more than one plan for that day. my saturdays are usually activity filled-not always with 'uber fun stuff ', but at least i have something to do. and i'm going to shop this saturday!

latest on my tarot predictions..i think can read for people online more easily than i can actually read anything for myself! i tried reading for people about like 3 times and it turned out pretty good.

i find it difficult for me to read for myself..maybe it's coz i don't actually believe that my predictions for myself are going to come true. it's good shit. so good that i can't believe it. it's all in my face but at the moment i don't see how they can occur anytime soon. the strange thing is that the predictions are almost all the same when i decide to try the same spread with the same question again. hmm. must be correct la, unless i'm being tricked. yikes! things are NOT looking good at the moment. this waiting process is frustrating. it's not just coz i'm waiting for sth nice to happen to me..i'm also waiting to see how good my prediction skills are. XD

*Love is not just a feeling;it's a state of mind*

Tarot Wishlist

2006-10-05T14:24:00.000+08:00

my tarot wishlist..see how bored i am? anyway, im gonna get the cosmic one very soon. i can't wait! it's sooo nice. i didn't know at first, that it was actually inspired by hollywood film stars. doesn't look that way does it?

i've been looking at all sorts of reviews on these two decks. damn! don't be surprised if i step into Kino and come out with the art nouveau one first or a completely different deck. the gothic tarot kinda caught my eye but i heard that the material of the cards is not very good. what a shame..the artwork is really nice. looks scary, but what the hell.

oh well, i might only get my new deck at the end of next week or in two weeks time. still gotta lot of time to decide if i really want the cosmic one. i hope it'll still be there though, by the time i decide to buy it. not that there are all that many tarot enthusiasts around, but there was only one deck left on the shelf. i will take it that it's meant for me to buy, if it's still there.

2006-10-05T13:35:00.000+08:00

stoning at BD class now. this frickin sucks. i just want to go-away! my tummy is aching like mad and my nose is stuffy. i didn't get much sleep last night either.
i don't know why but i've been having this heavy kinda feeling. its like a cloud over me. yea, people make me laugh sometimes but then i just go back to my emo state once it's over. i've had like 3 or 4 minor predictions that turned out right in the past 2 weeks or so. im just waiting for my major predictions. questions relating to the same thing. the signs are all good. just that i have to be patient now. poof! i'll have to wait for like a couple of months. that's like the usual time frame for it to occur. boo hoo! but u noe? there's another prediction that i made and it's supposed to happen in two months time. ooh! im so waiting. fingers are crossed.

2006-10-02T22:13:00.000+08:00

latest news.. the motorcyclist from that accident on saturday night actually passed away. very saddening.. was in the paper today. it was actually a 25 year old indian fellow. so young huh? saddening, saddening. from the looks of it, i didnt actually think the guy was gonna make it coz he was totally motionless. the bike was thrown way out in front so i guess the impact must have been a really hard one. i didn't see that. would have been horrifying! my dad saw the sparks coming out. i only saw the guy lying there. like OMG! but there were some pple in front who pulled over to help. and the goondu lorry driver? - suspected drunk driving. arse! we nearly hit the back of his senget lorry noe!? kanasai! driving on the frikking speeding lane. frikking lorry for goodness sakes! not even supposed to be there! dumb fuck. rot in jail now.

2006-10-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

just got home and omg. i can't get rid of the image of that accident on the expressway. i was just dozing off in the cab when the driver jerked suddenly. i woke up and saw this lorry in front of our cab-it was in sum crooked position and we almost hit it. and then i looked to the right and there was a guy lying flat on the road. i was like 'oh shit!' and then the lorry driver got out, very slowly. must have been shocked. i only got to see the whole thing when our cab went on to the next lane. the guy's bike was thrown forward, on the ground..and then the guy's sling bag was also on the road, in between the bike and his body. quite a bloody distance away too. i didn't really wanna look at the guy in case i saw sumthing gruesome but there was no blood or what. he was just lying in an awkward position and he wasn't moving. i just felt terrible at that point.duno whose son or boyfriend or husband or what. aiyoh! so sad.
and just a couple of hundred metres down the road, there was another accident involving 7 cars! like what the hell?! 7 cars all crashed into each other. rough night man..

2006-09-25T19:28:00.000+08:00

i bought my set of tarot cards on friday. just for fun but the cards are pretty damn accurate. i'm impressed! my friends and i, we spent like almost two hours in foodcourt 6, talking about the cards while i read for them. it's fun.
i had a nice reading this morning when i tried the love spread i learnt yesterday. two of cups and the lovers were in it. perfect. but i realise that when you're sad, the cards just go haywire. i couldn't read when i got home. why was i feeling so sad all of a sudden? i was just overwhelmed with thoughts and worries. i wondered if the cards this morning could really be true. coz things don't seem to be going my way right now. i have some difficulty in believing that tomorrow will be a better day. it's just one of those days when you miss somebody and you just need someone to be there.. i wish i could be a happy as i was sometime ago. i miss the feeling already. what's left is just that same old feeling of despair that i'm so familiar with. i wish my happiness could last longer.

2006-09-18T20:09:00.000+08:00

bro came home today, from sailing..bought sum pretty things from bombay! shawls,a bangle set, 2 necklaces. pretty pretty. i looike them v much.
but my room was very much of mess as well so i had to clear the clutter. my bangles were all overflowing from the tray again. i took a hanger and tied a shoelace across it to hang them up. its the best i can think of at the moment. i'm tryna look for one of those wooden racks to hang them on instead. tsk..all those bangles and i don't even own a single set of costume to go with it. i just wear them with ordinary clothes. well, i will b shopping for a set for THE WEdding in January. no, not my wedding. duh! it's my cousin's wedding, which i am soo looking forward to. its damn exciting..been over a decade since we've had a wedding in the family.
what colours...im thinking red. but i'll go check it out during the Deepavali season.. waaah! exciting. i've been inspired by those Bollywood films.

2006-09-18T00:13:00.000+08:00

been out alot for two days..just trying to keep myself occupied..keep my mind occupied. i know i've messed up here and there but i just can't seem to forgive myself for it. for every little mistake that i've just made. i guess i just wasn't thinking straight. i always have to end up embarrassing myself and it just gets to me. it's probably my worst habit. i just let my nerves get to me. all of a sudden, all my confidence, whatever humour i have, all my words..all gone. y'all don't know what the bloody hell i'm going on about-but it doesn't matter.
dammit. i noe, i've always had this thinking that everything happens for a reason..just take it as a lesson and move on. but for once i just wish i could turn back time for abit. i realise now, that i've only made a fool out of myself.

2006-09-05T11:19:00.000+08:00

i noe it's been a few days since i've blogged. i've either been really bored at home or going out somewhere. i've finally bought my shoes. few days ago. i've already worn them. yes! i always can't wait to wear new stuff.
weekends were all right. just chilling, chilling and more chilling. me and my fam went to katong for dinner on sunday. well, none of my immediate family actually.-extended. almost the whole lot of us. we went and had some fabulous hokkien mee and pork satay. nyahahaha! it was soooo gooodd..
and now im bored. kinda lazy to go out too, actually. unless a really good plan comes up. feel like going swimming or something. hmmm... i shall ask around.

2006-08-30T20:02:00.000+08:00

been a little lazy to blog nowadays. brain's gone fuzzy already. i've been watching one movie after the other since the beginning of this week. looks like i'll finish all 7 of them by saturday. krrish was real nice though. and i watched 'humko tumse pyaar hai' this afternoon. waah! so tragic. but it was great. i love the clothes. yepyep! im hoping to buy my very own set of traditional clothes for my cuzzies wedding in january. just feel like wearing it. i don't even own a set at the moment. sad. they look so nice. will prolly be going to look for one during the deepavali season. haha!
at the moment though, im still saving for my novo shoes. hai.. the blusher can wait-and the contacts too. im gonna buy them just before school starts. yepyep! okay, im gonna go watch rockstar now.- i really don't know who's gonna win it. dammit! they were all so good today. i voted for two of them coz i couldn't decide which. ryan and toby get the votes today. xD

2006-08-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

was not in the mood to blog about yesterday-or rather, just now...but! it's too damn good a story to not blog about.
we were playing drinking games after the BBQ,..had like gin,whiskey and vodka. was abit fuzzy onli lah. fuzzy enough but capable of walking in a straight line i think.
later on, a few of my friends and i were at the BBQ pit outside while everyone else was inside. we started telling ghost stories. like oh man! i couldnt resist the urge to keep looking back..it was so creepy coz there wasn't many pple ard at that time. someone came up with the idea of going to that maze near pasir ris park.was it me? ? oops! i cant remember. somebody lah. and i happily agreed. wasn't planning to actually go IN. just check it out fm outside lah.
we started out walk, 8 of us together. 5 boys, 3 girls.. happily lah. singing songs and strolling along pasir ris park. was already abt 315 in the morning. i dunno wat the hell we were thinking, going to such a place at 315 in the morning, during the 7th month. it's bloody mad!
so anyway, we were walking halfway, there was totally noone ard, not even horny couples..happily strolling. skali-all the lights flickered and turned off. arrrgh!!!!!!!!! we couldnt even see each other's faces! some of us wanted to run off already but just decided to cool it and walk. i grabbed my friends' arms from eiher side! don't care who sia! i didn't even realise i was grabbing their arms! it was that freaky! that was it lah. wanted to go back later coz the lights turned on towards the end.-but second sign. my friend stomachache.so we didn't continue lah. phew! wrong timing lah.
i onli left the chalet at like 6am this morning. was sooo damn tired. and the train was full of people only just going to work. HAHAHA! but i couldnt really sleep anyway. slept till like 11+ then woke up. oh well, last night was really the most fun i've had in a long long while.

2006-08-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

was out for the entire afternoon! and was incredibly tempted to buy some things. but i didnt buy a top or anything. i ended up piercing my tragus! not pain. ok lah. so many years since i've gotten a piercing. then i bought an ear stud and earring and a toe ring. that was it. im just happy to have been out of the house and kee-kee-ka-ka-ing all day long. nice way to pass the time.
as for tomorrow,..let's see. bathe the smelly fur ball, clean my room, paint me nails. yea. was supposed to do that today. until that spontaneous plan came up.

2006-08-21T18:19:00.000+08:00

aight..BKLAW is overr..second last bloody paper. those last two questions were really weird. i didn't know what format to answer it so i just went freestyle!-no rules nothing. like just make up some crap lah.
i was so stressed out yesterday. those darned children from downstairs were yelling and screaming as usual while i was talking to my mum. i looked out the window and yelled! ''OOIIIIII!!!!!" surprisingly they actually shut up. omg. that felt good. wahahahahah!last night though, i was so frustrated, i drew a large 'BULLSHIT' on my paper. see what all this is doing to me?? im going absolutely bananas! and everything was so damn distracting. first i went online, then there was Miss Vasantham on the tele. i went to watch.after that, ate dinner. then started studying again. then i heard my dad and bro yelling- Man Utd. game.i had to watch it. it's Christiano Ronaldo dammit! lol. i just didn't feel like studying anymore. i've had enough of mugging. tomorrow .last day to mug! then...then.. ugh! i feel so mad already, just thinking about papers. it's so annoying!

2006-08-20T00:22:00.000+08:00

one weekend stuck at home. i cant stand it actually. i've only been out of the house once to buy prata. well, not like i have a choice lah. i have one-but i will fail! so im going to stay at home. this is hell! it's so excruciatingly boring to sit at home on a sunday! i can never sleep in-must wake up early and go out! im just looking forward to wednesday-evening at least. coz my exams would have ended by that time.can't bloody wait!

2006-08-17T11:26:00.000+08:00

Your Deadly Sins

Wrath: 80%

Envy: 60%

Sloth: 60%

Gluttony: 40%

Greed: 40%

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 40%

You will die in prison, in a puddle of your own blood.

How Sinful Are You?

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.
In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!
And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.
Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

2006-08-17T09:04:00.000+08:00

ahhh..zayra is finally out. it's been weeks! the onli thing that's really nice about her performances are her strange costumes. that's pretty much it.
right now i have no idea who's gonna win this thing. im gonna have to pick three-dilana, ryan and magni. lukas?? i loooikee. he's damn good these days but i don't think he'll be the right kinda person for supernova. i don't know how to explain it. but anyway, i think one of those three is gonna win this thing. i can't believe it though, that magni got into the bottom three. like wth??! i loved his performance today. Creep by radiohead. it really showed off his voice.
and ermm..who's next to go? i think it'll be patrice. she has a good voice but..hmm. can't put my finger on it. after her,..im thinking toby and storm. and then! final 4. i really don't know who's gonna win it! im rooting for dilana. coz a female lead singer will really add some character to the band-make it a lil more unique. she's really dammn daammn good lah! she's got the style, a killer voice and good stage presence. fabulous!

2006-08-16T19:05:00.000+08:00

some kewl info i got from newagestore.com...wow. im only 6964 days old. hmm..some lucky numbers to bet on 4D this weekend.LOL. and not forgetting 3479 too. kekekekeke. no, im not exactly a 4D freak. i only buy 4 numbers at most. check it out here. http://www.newagestore.com/content/services/who/

Your date of birth:
Thursday, July 23, 1987

You've been alive:
19 years, or 229 months, or 994 weeks, or 6964 days

Your star sign:
Cancer (23 June to 23 July)

Your key:
I feel

Your traits:
Emotional, Caring, Sensitive

Your lucky numbers this month:
3, 4, 7, 9

All about Cancer (23 June to 23 July):
Born between 23 June and 23 July.And you thought the cancer crab was all claws. Under that hard exterior is an imaginative, warm, caring and nurturing soul. Cancerians base the majority of their decisions on emotion and what they feel and how others will feel. Those born under the sign of cancer whilst highly concerned for the world around them can be somewhat tenacious once they get hold of something, it is going to take a lot to loosen the grip and with this tenacity many great things can be achieved.A famous person with your star sign is Dalai Lama 6 July 1935.

Your star sign color:
White is the colour of Protection, Peace, Spirituality and Serenity. It is the colour we 'see', when we see good, just and right. White protects it has the ability to cradle and encase. White allows for complete peace, it conveys openness, encourages warmth, purification and leads to a complete and unconditional sense of serenity.The assistance this color can provide: Protection, Peace, Spirituality, Serenity

You should use this incense and oil:
Eucalyptus & Jasmine

2006-08-14T21:20:00.000+08:00

ooohhh.. was looking at some of the pics mah fwen took of the fireworks the other day. soooo nice! mine was daaaaamnn blur! handphone camera lah! but! the view from where i was was goood. wasnt cramped at all coz i was at the top row of the outdoor theatre. to top it all off!-there was that cute sound guy behind moi, in the control room. wahahaha! well, was just admiring for abit. i havent actually SEEN any cute guys in ages. the view in singapore is baaaaddd.. what to do? but actually i used to think that way abt SP guys too. like when i just came in for 1st year. i was like waaaaaddd??? where's all the cute people? BUT!-after 3 years and zoomed vision, ah!yess. needles in the hay stack they are. just didnt quite notice before. XD
aight. sidetracked sidetracked. i'd better get back to studying. otherwise i'll be dead! i need donkeys at least. i dont wanna stay for even one extra semester!

2006-08-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

one more thing. i feel like yelling at the top of my voice until...until i DON'T KNOWW!!! i just feel like yelling! i can't help it that my life is like this! at least i dont think i can at this time. wish i was more confident that i could do things and be somebody. but i feel useless and ugly. i dont know why everybody thinks im so happy. i've just been trying to hide every damn issue that i have with myself and with those around me. but i guess it's just been too much coz i feel like exploding right now. it's been years upon years of the same problem i've been keeping. that's one reason why i dance around and do stupid things sometimes. just feel like letting it all out. i don't really like discussing such things with people coz well, we all have our own problems. maybe mine might not seem so major to others-coz i always act so hyper and happy with my friends and family. i dont think anyone really knows what i hide inside. why i dont smile for the cameras, why i hate taking pictures in the first place, why im kinda reserved with people i dont know, why im so scared to talk to guys i like etc. i try but i still get scared.. all these scars i hide. but you wouldn't understand unless you've been in my shoes.

2006-08-13T21:55:00.000+08:00

just got home from joel's birthday party at the chalet. im dead tired-with a stomachache though. it sucks lah. and i have to study tomorrow. hai. sial betul. im feeling so damn emo these days lah. thinking alot. reflecting alot. feeling unlucky. like things will never go my way. like ever. and the priest was talkin about suicide and everything, this morning. i can totally understand why the hell people do it. sometimes you just lose your mind. you'll do just about anything to ease the pain.

2006-08-11T11:40:00.000+08:00

something happened a couple of days ago but i still get mad when i think about. what is it with these guys? like who da hell do you think you are?! i am a human being with values, excuse me! and i don't know you. it's disgusting okay! if you wanna talk can talk nicely please? that was no subject to add into the conversation coz i only just got to know you. i was like waaaadddd??! seriously i just wanted to show em this=> but i just remembered that i was going to try n be polite no matter what. it was too much though. i dont know y i didn't tell him to FUCK off sooner. he was being rude anyway. ehem! he told me point blank that my lifestyle is fucked up.
excuse me but im feeling foul now. it may be fucked up to you. but so what? this is how i live. hasn't got anything to do with you anyway. why fucking bother? well ur life must be even more fucked up for u to start asking such questions to some chick u dont even know. ARRGHH!!!!!
okay. i've let it out. i've vbeen wanting to do so for days. i don't care who sees this. it's always the frickin wrong person coming my way. why can't it be someone i like?? oh ehem! i'm still beating round the bush and trying to let him know that i like him but ermmm..probably abit too subtle. haiyah! help!!
i just wanna dress up and go out now. forget about everything. but i'll only be meeting TheM at 430. cant wait! i need to get out! fine. i'll go find something to wear first...then maybe take a nice friendster picture if i have time, hahaha!

2006-08-09T17:13:00.000+08:00

i was at the MAC makeup counter at tang's earlier on, to get my mascara. and oh bloody hell! there i was, looking for someone to help me get the mascara. i'd already decided but no one was paying any attention to me. i took the opportunity to browse ard instead-noone bothered anyway. then i started looking for the salesperson. there she was, this stickly little thing, standing around with nothing to do. she could obviously see that i needed help and saw me looking at her but she bloody ignored me, pretended not to see and continued standing around! what a bitch! hellooo?! i just needed to get one thing! if i could find it myself i would do it okay?! but i dont know where to find it! what a snob. Oi! u MAC people had better do something abt snobby salesgirls okay? don't spoil ur reputation.
but then someone else came along to help me get it. Bless her!(lovely green eyeshadow too) actually this is the first encounter with such salespeople there. the other times i went were ok. good or reasonably good service. today it just tarnished the image quite abit.